you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How does one acquire holy water?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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