in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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