My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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