Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
