there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
