It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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