hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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