Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
