there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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