just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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