i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
