Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
