now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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