Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
