I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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