I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
