I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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