chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
