and she was petting her beer can
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
