I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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