i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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