mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
