jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
