I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize