if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
