I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
