and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
