if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
