Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
