youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
