a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
