I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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