i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
