you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
