if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
