New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
