she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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