I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
