Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
