Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
