i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
