I got chris browned last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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