the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
