so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
