My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There's even glitter on my cock...
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