I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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