if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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