He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
