weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
