She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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