Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize