in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
