Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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