I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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