Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
