I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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