honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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