***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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