There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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