just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
