YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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