come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
