it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
