I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize