it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
