that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
