I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
