I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
