i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
