Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
