i was born a porn star she said
Welp...herpes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
